i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
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