I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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