I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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