Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
As shirtless as possible
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Randomize
