his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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