he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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