how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
The best revenge is premature balding
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Randomize
