woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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