can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
