I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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