dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
