you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
