Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
