I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
