I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
