is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
