consequently i now know what mace tastes like
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
