Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
