is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
