why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
