My hair reeks of homosexuality.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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