I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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