ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
