is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
