Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
This is my life. Enjoy the view
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
