Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
