She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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