i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
We left the knife in your bed.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
