Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
