I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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