Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
