he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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