Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
