This girl is more easily done than said...
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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