tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
