just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
...so i touched it.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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