what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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