Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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