There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Sext me about skeletons
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