I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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