end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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