i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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