Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
