im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
