I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
This beer is not sobering me up at all
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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