Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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