I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
