i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
