Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
