Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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