i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
