In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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