Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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