When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
