Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
lol hangovers are for mortals.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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